Sapphic Sydney

I'm going to be very open with you all but first i'd like you to be 100% honest with your replies not matter how harsh they sound.

Lastnight at girlthing towards the end of the night a girl i'd never met before said something to me that  kind of made me start thinking about if I should be going to these nights or just stay home.

For those of you who dont know I identify as lesbian, I may look young but i'm 25 which i've found to be a big conversation stopper on its own, the seccond bomshell is when i get asked what I do for a living, i look after my kids. I dont want to lie but i have been tempted before to just say i look after kids.

And thats only because i had previously been told by another girl the same thing the girl told me last night , which  was; 'you dont belong here, you cant be a lesbian if you have a kid'.

Some of you may already know the reason behind why i am a lesbian  with  kids but for the others i will be posting it after the replies because  i'd really like to hear your honesty after being given the same information as these 2 girls.

Do you find it insulting, rude, or just anoying for a chick you meet at girlthing to have a kid?

Heya Ladybug, 

ZOMG... this makes me so mad!! 

'You don't belong here, you can't be a lesbian if you have a kid'.

Lets break this down...  You are the ONLY person who can determine your sexuality, regardless of whether or not you have children.  Secondly,  how are they to know how you concieved of your child/ren,  we live in a free state that allows both single and women in lesbian relationships to have fertility treatment in order to become parents.  Besides,  regardless of how they were conceived (naturally or through a clinic) your sexual feelings may have developed or changed over that period of time.  Clearly the problem here lies with the person who actually said this,  she sounds to me little she is rather immature. 

If going to girlthing makes you happy, then go!!  Don't worry about what some people think,  cos there will always be others out there who are in the same situation or who maybe more mature who would not think twice about it.

And Congrats for being a stay-at-home mum,  that is something that is challenging and that you should be proud of.

Em

I'm sorry you had to experience such ignorance, and to come from a member of what should be a supportive community is even worse.

I believe everyone (regardless of orientation) has the right to have children, as long as they grow up in a loving home it shouldn't matter. I agree with Em, only you can know your heart and if you have fun at girl thing then keep going. We're a minority as it is, it sickens me that a small number of people are ready to discriminate on this sort of thing, but alas they are the narrow-minded ignorant few. You identify as lesbian, then plain and simple you belong at girl thing, no questions.

You have our support xx

oh babe!! You shouldnt let someone like that have any impact on how you live your life! You have every right to be there! One of the things i have always loved about s&g and gt is that the girls there tend to be less judgemental - i honestly think there are more bi/queer/whatever girls there then there are full blooded lesbians.

If that idiot who said that to you had her way gt wouldnt be the huge popular night it is now, and god knows half of us (including me) would no longer be welcome there! So don't feel like its just you!

I think the fact is that there are going to be some jerks no matter where we go. There are straight jerks, and there are gay jerks. You have just been unlucky enough to encounter two of them. But you shouldnt be thinking about them - because they dont matter. You should be thinking about the great friends and amazing people you have met. They are the ones that matter.

The girls on this site are so lovely and amazing and accepting, it makes me so happy to see all the friendships that have formed here. So whose opinion do you value more? All the girls you have met so far, your friends, me, other girls on the site etc. or two stupid bitchy idiots who were probably only saying that because they were intimidated by you? Statistically speaking we outnumber them anyway. 

And about the age thing, well im 25 in two weeks, and i certainly dont intend on staying home and suddenly becoming "old" (though after last night i am tempted to never drink again! ... the increasing intensity of my hang overs as i get older is slightly worrying). 

ps. if anyone else says something like that to you just point me in their direction. 

xx

I'm really sorry that you had that experience, its a shame that a good night can be ruined by thoughtless and insensitive remarks from people like that, who are so judgemental and quick to make such cruel comments to perfect strangers.

I'm wondering though, whether the comments were made meaning that you can't be a lesbian because you have kids, or implying that you shouldn't be going out anywhere because of the kids. I need to make it very clear that this is NOT my view at all, i only ask because i have a straight friend who is a 26 year old single mum, and she gets the same sort of comments from people when she goes out to straight night clubs. I think unfortunately in our society there are a lot of stereotypes and misplaced expectations about single mums. My friend doesn't go out really anymore, as shes so sick of ignorant people implying (or straight out saying) that she's a bad mum or somehow neglectful of her children because she's out having fun on a saturday night. The truth of the situation is that she is a fantastic, loving stay at home mum who is really dedicated to her children, and her own mother minds the kids one weekend a month so she can have a bit of a break and a weekend to herself now and then.

If the girl did mean that you can't be a lesbian because you have children, then she is obviously just an idiot, or someone who has had limited exposure to people with different lifestyles out of her own social group. I know it's probably no consolation to you, but i think that sometimes people struggle with the concept that lesbians come from all different walks of life, and aren't actually just one big homogenous group of girls who all share the same thoughts, stories and back grounds. The bright side is that people normally grow out of this type of thinking....eventually.

Anyway, i hope that this experience won't prevent  you from going out and enjoying yourself in the future. You know what's best for you, and where you belong, and don't let anyone else tell you different!!  

i'm sorry, but that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. sorry that you unearthed such a stupid gem in the jewellery store of ignorance and idiocy. but i guess maybe don't mention it to people until you find out they aren't a total tool, if you don't want to hear stupid things like that. 

Hey hey firstly, *HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG* that's so mean what them two said. You can be a lesbian and have kids. y not???? And shit, 25 is sooo not old. I just turned 28 (ouch) three months ago and yeah I kinda get what you mean ... age is such a showstopper but it's out of our hands but hey, that doesn't stop us from making FRIENDS ... geezus mahgawddddd. 

Whoever u talked to that night, she is obviously either wasted or just narrow minded.  Don't waste your time on chicks like that. pfft!  Life is too precious to dwell on stoopid ppl.

I joined like 3 days ago, and already I've met so many GOOD LOOKING AND SWEET AS PIE girls.  So friendly and lovely in personality and totally not discriminating against age or if you have kids or not.

again. *HUGGGGGGGGG*. fark those b!tches who reckon lesbians are only supposed to be young and childrenless.

I'm sorry to hear you had such a horrible night!

The girl was obviously just young/drunk. I hope you don't stop going out and having fun because of something some ignorant girl said! Should've told her SHE shouldn't have been out and should have been home in bed

Keep in mind though that a lot of girls that go to these things have probably just hit the legal drinking age. I'm only 22, which is still heaps young, and I get told that I'm like, oh my god, soooo old. Which is ridiculous. I still feel like I'm 14!

I agree with everything that's been said above. Whoever said that to you at GirlThing is just an idiot. Don't let someone like that ruin what should be a fun night out.

I don't think I ever formally met you, but when my friends pointed out that you had kids I was very impressed because it must be so hard raising kids and still finding time to come out to a girls night. I struggle just juggling school and going out. Big props to you.

Bottom line I guess is ignorant idiots will be ignorant idiots. Don't let them ruin your night.

woah, honestly im really shocked to read this.

but it think all these sapphic girls have proven that more people want you to stay and not listen to the idiot that ironically no one wants at girlthing

p.s the clash are awesome

Just read this and I'm pretty surprised too! What that girl said... it doesn't even make sense. If you want to go out and there's someone to take care of your kids for a while, then what's the problem?? More to the point, it's none of the other girl's business.  

If I met someone at a night out and found they had a kid/s, it wouldn't be an issue at all. I don't really understand why it would be.

whoever that said that to you.. fck her.

shes an immature little brat.

good riddance.

wow. js realised this post was a long time ago. haha